Recent Bio

Negativity is seeping into my mind so rapidly lately that I’m starting to grow insane from knowing but not controlling it. Its feeling like isolation and hate kindling into a heart-shaped ball. I dont believe I’ve ever grown this cold or been so uncontrolably self uncontrolable, ha. It’s bugging me severly although I know it’s one of those stages where it’ll pass through even more quickly then it came and stayed.

“Everything blows over eventually”

I loved you

But I left you anyway...

Now you will never know.

But now I'm done and gone.

Too bad for you.

What I wouldn't give...

Stamps cover pages, he has been chasing for months, strange citys, earie towns, dark streets, lonely nights. Echoeing foot steps in a desolate mind, one track mind, only thing he thinks about. Visions cut in and out, gives meaning to this veladrome of a life, its further and further everyday, stamps accumulate. Continually he chases, what he so longs for. She doesnt say a word, he believes he is the only one holding these stamp covered feelings. He try’s to express his feelings, he thought it would be easier but he became lost for words, she looks at his tired wasted soul as he stands slumped with regret in his eyes. She smiles and says “I love you”, he is in disbelieve as he looks up and into her dark street like eyes, the same ones he fell in love with, they scream help me more then anywords ever could, he is stunned not knowing how to react, he smiles as she reach’s in to kiss, stunned he kisses her and all the months of travel and chasing becomes nothing but a day of bliss, they both know without saying a word that they mean the world to one another and need each other for this world they live in isnt for them but they must fight on walk on move on, make new memories.

true love is found

heaven knows i’m miserable now

You might have loved me, if you had known me. If you had ever known my mind. If you would have walked through my dreams and memories. Who knows what treasures you might have found. Yes, you might have loved me. If you had only taken the time...

Thinking.

Thinking about quite alot today.
Forgot all about this blogspot.
Using it as a personal twitter I guess.
Highly doubt anyone will read my thoughts on here.

Realise.

why am i making this hard on myself, when there’s so many beautiful reasons i have to be happy.

Bio.

I haven’t got a hope in the world for anything nor any aspirations. I’m untidy and the mess is hidden under my bed, I’m still as heartbroken as i was two years back. Loveless, inspirationless, lonely and unsleepable.

Blank.

I feel like the whole worlds gone cold, I feel that there is no air left to breath, no reason to smile, to shower. to drink or to say cheers. I feel like this world is one large game of musical chairs, the music just wont stop right now, but when it does, I hope I'm not the last to find my way home. I wish that I could still wake up before lunch, or smile before dawn. I wish I could remember who I was to who I am from when I'm born. I forget how to fit this puzzle. The mould has been set, the cast iron bar has been placed though the doors of my own plight to gain significance, instead I've fooled my self with ignorance of another's indifference to believe I'm worth anything more than the bed that I sleep on or the moment I meet someone. But isn't that what it is to feel lonely, am I really innocent, well I haven't yet been proven guilty, but that's not much to really go by is it? I keep having these re-occurring flavors of dream. They weave through my iris and paint my mind fresh again and its raining. It's raining for forgiveness and motive, its staring back at me through the mirror. I've always wondered that if I had been born a ghost, not of who I was, before I was conceived, but the shadow of you, before I'd actually seen you. Before I'd realized that no matter how hard I try and fake my own reality. I'm bound and blinded and been force-fed an identity.

Not really in the mood for anything today.

It has been a long time coming.

No i havent forgot about this blog, just really havent had the time to post anything.
Everything has been so chaotic lately, I've moved out of home and had a few minor upsets with Owen.
Its our two year anniversary next month and i have no idea what we are doing for it, I really would have liked to have been able to go away for the weekend and just spend sometime together but unfortunately i havent been able to find a job thus far being down here, It hasnt been the fact that i havent put any resumes in either. Just no where is looking.
I put it in at a bakery which also makes coffees and teas today, im pretty hopefull for that, but i don't want to get ahead of myself incase it falls through.
Owen is at work at the moment and im drinking alone in his room, im so pathetic.
I really need to learn to stay away from vodka, im fine until someone asks if i want something to drink.
I dont really have anything else to update on right now.
I'm on stickam now too so if you happen to have an account you should add me on it. The user name is just ashleyxforsyth because i have little to no creativity. I'll also start posting pointless random facts again soon too, Sorry about the no updates as of late.
ps. sorry for typos and bad grammar